I have been extremely busy at work the past couple of weeks; it’s unbelievable how much work has come across my desk and the limited amount of time I have each day to get it all done. Just the other day, I didn’t get home until 2100 because I needed to get certain things finished before I could go. Today was one of the earliest times I got off work in a couple of weeks… around 1930. I haven’t really had much time to post anything new — much less even read my email.
This evening, I read a letter an NCO in the Air Force sent me a couple of days ago, and he was kind enough to include his and his partner’s story, as well as to give permission to post it.
Hello Anonymous,
I found your webpage today and felt the need to send you a letter. As an active duty Air Force NCO who happens to be gay, I have personally felt and experienced most of the information you have posted. The Air Force’s first Core Value is Integrity. Obviously this highest of Core Values is in direct opposition to DADT. How could anyone possibly be expected to maintain Integrity when they are expected to lie to and deceive every person they work with on a daily basis. That being the case, I would like to share a true story with you.
I met my current partner about 4 years ago during a remote assignment. Before we returned to the states we decided to try a long distance relationship. He returned to a southern state and I returned to a northern state. Over the next year we talked daily managed to arrange leaves at the same time and started making plans for when we would be able to be stationed together. His life wasn’t quite that simple though. He was also going through a divorce, keeping all the bills that he and his wife had acquired and being forced to pay high child support rates. Being separated from his kids, having a high debt to income ratio and frustration over not being able to live openly with who he was and still serve in the military finally took its toll on him. About 2 years ago he tried to commit suicide. Thankfully he failed. He was admitted to a civilian facility for treatment and observation and his homosexuality was documented in him military mental health record. This information is protected under the Privacy Act and HIPAA so he was not outed or vulnerable to UCMJ actions.
Unfortunately because the root problems of dealing with homosexuality and military life were not being addressed properly he still didn’t get the support he needed. A few months later he tried to commit suicide again. The day after his second attempt I made sure some good friends of his were quickly involved and he was again admitted to a civilian facility. I also came to the realization that he could not continue under these conditions. Together we decided the best course of action would be for him to go to his commander and request a humanitarian reassignment in order to be close to a stronger support group, namely me. If this was going to be denied then he would inform his commander that he was gay and request a discharge. He talked with his mental health provider and was given a letter stating he had support here and that reassignment here would be in his and the Air Force’s best interest. Armed with this letter he very subtly led his commander to the knowledge he was gay without actually saying so. His commander opted to arrange for a permanent change of station rather than expel a good troop form the service. We have now lived together for over a year. While things are not always easy under DADT we continue to live beneath the radar and have hopes of retiring honorably. As a team we are much stronger emotionally, financially, spiritually, and physically. Although not a traditional, accepted, or open family we enjoy the same strength and ties a heterosexual couple would and are better servicemen because of it.
I guess my reason for writing this is because I know there are other people out there trying to balance two lives simultaneously who might be able to take some strength in the fact that even in a bad system good people can do the right thing. And hopefully there are others who might read this and begin to understand on a more personal note what DADT can do to a person, a unit, and eventually a nation. DADT is not just wrong for equality it’s a cancer of humanity. Please feel free to post this as you want and be assured I will continue to be reading the information you post on A1in10, but like you I must continue to remain Anonymous.
Anonymous AF
Copyright notice: Unless Anonymous AF decides to post a comment to the contrary, his post is copyright him and may not be republished anywhere without his express consent.
This is the sort of information which needs to get out into the public consciousness, because the fact of the matter is that gay servicemembers are not detrimental to morale, discipline, and good order. It’s the archaic ideology that we’re somehow less able to serve than others who are otherwise qualified that is the detriment. All one needs to do is look at other countries which once forbade homosexuals from serving in their militaries and now permit them to do so. What you would find is that the integration, while initially painful and controversial in most cases, has proven to be successful. The tide is turning here in the United States: we’re now at a point where the majority of the civilian populace, and the military populace as well, supports the repeal of 10 U.S.C 654.
I believe it’s only a matter of time until I, Anonymous AF, and our brothers-and-sisters-in-arms no longer have to worry about losing our jobs for simply being who we are.
Help speed the process along.
